Botox, Please

For about five years, the nicest family has been sitting in the seats behind us at Commonwealth Stadium. They live in Russell Springs, Kentucky, and drive to Lexington for football games. The tickets belong to the grandfather, but he is really getting too old to come, so each game, he chooses a family member who gets to use his tickets.
You may have heard me talk about the granddaughter who used his tickets at the MTSU game. She re-lived glory days by cheerleading throughout the game. "First and Ten. Do It Again. Go (clap)! Blue (clap.)!" When the Cats went on defense, I promise she chanted "Push 'em back, Push 'em back, Waaay back." I do not know if she fell into the arms of the person behind her ala Glasgow Middle School cheerleading circa 1987. I did not look for fear that she would see me roll my eyes. Fortunately, she has not returned, and I have not been forced to purchase ear plugs.
Last night my favorite family member, the grandson, was there. He is a sophomore football player at Centre. Despite his disappointment at the absence of Brandon, he introduced me to his three other football-playing friends. One of the friends, a senior, came over to chat. He wanted to have something in common with me.
"My friend's mom went to Transy. I think she was a Tri-Delt. Alyssia Mountjoy. Do you know her?"
Hmmm. Well, for me to know your friend's mom at Transy, sweetie, she would have needed to give birth at the ripe old age of 13. That's pretty uncommon at old TU. And I imagine that the sisters of Delta Delta Delta frown on preteen pregnancy when they're making out the bid list. (Correct me if I'm wrong, girls.)
My face must have been awful. He said, "I just wanted to have something in common with you." I asked him for her maiden name. I didn't know what else to do. If anyone has any suggestions for looking younger: botox, fountain of youth, ski mask...please let me know.